Missing someone next to you

Three words
“I miss you”

As I can feel your body heat next to mine 

I hear them said with such desperation

You mean them entirely

But here I am, physically close. 
“I miss you”
I know exactly what you mean

You miss the “real” version of me

The one that is happy, 

Always excited to see you, hug you, kiss you 

But instead today you get the cold version of myself

Quiet and reserved. 

Avoiding physical affection  

Empty inside 
“I miss you”
I see waves of pain in your eyes

My fear – what if this

This dark, cold, lonely version of myself

Is me, entirely 
I feel compelled to free you from this mess

My pain pours out of my soul and through yours

You feel what I feel

And the worst part is, I can see it

I can see me, hurting you

And yet, I can’t turn it off. 

Or on?

I’m not sure anymore. 

But I know one thing,

I can’t drag you down with me. 

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